Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy WHOREable Halloweiner

I remember once upon a time when it was Halloween, costumes were ghosts and ghouls and pumpkins and Frankensteins and cartoon characters and scarecrows and witches ... Now it's more like Naughty Schoolgirl Ashley. OoOOooOooOOooOOoO! So scary.
I think it's safe to say that Halloween has turned into porn. It's actually kind of entertaining. If I had the bod for this, I might have been tempted to flaunt a little sum'sum' too. But thanks to teen pregnancy and a chocolate addiction, I haven't been able to rock the naughty schoolgirl look, well ... since I was a schoolgirl. I'm not bein' a hater. I'm just pointing out that the Naughty School Girl is at the top of eveyone's list, even when it's not Halloween. Like Anthony Weiner, the Peter Tweeter, for instance. Even HE inspired a Halloween costume because of the "hacker" he blamed for stealing his ID and (doing him a favor by) tweeting dirty pics of his Halloweiner to young naughty girls. OOooOoooooOOOooo. So scary.

I couldn't decide what I wanted to be this year. It was a tie between Anthony Weiner head, the Naughty Schoolgirl, the hot French Maid, the sexy Pirate chick, Policewoman with leather boots, fishnet stockings and mini skirt or Buffy the sexy dead Cheerleader. It was a tough choice, and I could NOT make up my mind. Instead of ME choosing a costume, a COSTUME chose me!
Hopefully I can get a better costume next year. This one was sort of last minute and definitely not one of the popular ones. Best costume was in Karate Kid when he dressed up as a shower and hid behind the curtain while he scoped out the joint for his woman. That was classic.

My friend Roxanne and I were bored on Halloween night 1989, and we decided to make up some costumes and go trick-or-treating. We were 13 so we still felt like we were kid-enough to get candy. I put on a huge Glad trash bag and cut some holes for my arms and head, then embellished with some dark eye shadow smeared all over my face. Roxanne just painted her face like a mime, teased out her afro and wore regular clothes. So garbage girl and afro mime hit the streets with freezer bags to hold the loot.

The first house we went to, an old man opened the door and took one look at us and said "ain't y'all too old to be beggin' fer candy! What'er you supposed to be anyway! Get outa here." (SLAMS DOOR.) We knocked on a few other doors, no answer. Of all the doorbells we rang, we got a handful of candy from one lady who seemed fed up of answering her door and gave us what she had left so she could shut off her porch light after we left.


What ever you do for Halloween, be safe and don't talk to strangers ... unless they give you candy!

Peace out!


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