Thursday, November 10, 2011

FUQs of life: Part 2

In case you didn't peep Part 1, FUQ refers to frequently unasked questions. Is it because I'm a nosy reporter that I think to ask the unasked? Nah. I just get occasional clogs in the old mental plumbing because of thinking and idea overload and get the urge to purge, which results in my FUQs of life posts (and actually, all posts).

FUQ #6 (I left off at 5 last time, f.y.i.) Do negative occurrences have a purpose?

How many times have you heard that bad things seem to happen more frequently to good people? Judging by how my life progresses most times, I think I mildly suffer from that phenomenon. Here's what I think. If you believe in a Higher Power like I do, then it makes perfect sense that bad things happen as a way to make you recognize and and more deeply appreciate the abundance of good things you have in life.

Yes? No? Well, for me, that's absolutely the case. If something negative occurs, I immediately become overly grateful for everything else in life that is running smoothly, even if it's just that I have working Internet service; got home safely; had no autism vs. Neesha episodes with the Incredible Hulk that is my son; got more 'likes' for my business page on fb (hint, hint); or found some extra fries and/or a stray chicken nugget at the bottom of the bag from Wendy's. Sometimes you have to realize that good things don't always present themselves in a flamboyant or extravagant manner. Not winning the lottery doesn't mean life is shitty. There are other 'wins' to be thankful about.

FUQ #7 Why is Wal-Mart trying to eff with my mind?

I saw this cooler from a distance with this mouthwatering image on it. I started to drool. I dropped everything as the Haagen-Dazs hunger took over my normal senses. I ran toward it in a haze of tunnel vision. I bulldozed an old lady who was in my Haagen-Dazs path, knocked over a kid or two and an entire Little Debbie snack display, jumped 10 feet in the air  out of pure adrenaline and dropped back to the floor landing just a few feet away! I bear crawled the rest of the way, slobbering and panting, finally getting right up to this amazingly decorated frozen box of deliciousness. Then ... to my utter disappointment, it was all for nothing because in this pseudo Haagen-Dazs cooler was nothing more than a tease, loaded with piles of Tombstone pizzas. 

Really, Wal-Mart? Pizzas in a Haagen-Dazs freezer? Do you know what that does to a person's (my) psyche? That's cruel and unusual ... advertisement. I'll never be the same again.

FUQ #8 Does poop ever take human form?


FUQ #9 Do the folks at Chili's To Go section have anger management issues?

That would be a definite YES.

I mean, what if I'm there more than 10 minutes because THEY take too long to give me my soup and salad? Would I still be crushed and melted? What happens after they crush and melt the violators? Do they use the crushed and melted humans in their food? Is this why my bowl of chili tasted funny that one time when I found what appeared to be a bone fragment in it? This one is just loaded with FUQs.

FUQ #10 (This is really a FAQ but FUQ sounds more interesting.) Does money grow on trees?

Yes. Money is paper, and paper comes from trees.

The end (for now).

Hope you enjoyed your stay. Come back and see me again!

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