Saturday, December 3, 2011

50% off = need it

It's no secret that females go crazy for the word "SALE!" It doesn't matter if it's frozen whale sperm that's 50% off, we will flock to it and find some off-the-wall logic for buying it. Like - I could defrost it and use it as a filler for this glass vase I've had in the garage for 3 years and if I add some blue marbles, it'll look nice 'n' shiny 'n' spermy! I'll put it in the upstairs bathroom that has an under-the-sea theme! Yea! That's what I'll do.


I don't spend a lot of money on stuff that isn't a household or personal necessity, simply because I CAN'T on a one-person-with-2-kids income. But that doesn't make me any different from other shopaholics, I just find a way, even on a smaller scale. I'm the master at finding great shoe and purse deals. I can also spot a red ticket, last-one-left sale item that's buried within a mass of other items like it's the Northern Star. There's just something about the words SALE and CLEARANCE and % OFF that gets me all hyped and tingly inside whether I need the stuff or not. Need is never the deciding factor ... actually, it is in a way. It's the NEED for a shopping high. The fix! The exhilarating feeling of GETTING something NEW!


Often times, there doesn't even have to be any flashy poster or ad. All it has to say is SALE, and you already got the attention of most women. Sale is a comfort term. It can be a void filler for if we're lonely, depressed or just so happy about something that buying stuff is a way to celebrate! Oooo! I cleaned the whole house today, yea! I deserve 10 new shirts. I got kudos for a project I presented at work! Hmm ... this calls for a new pair of shoes and some hair accessories I'll never use but are so fun to shop for. See ... somethin' like that. Shopping is a feel-good activity, almost like sex (but not really). 

One inevitable drawback to this shopping phenomenon is that we tend to fixate on cute stuff, buy it, then have no real use for it once it's in our house or closet. I have stuff I've worn once because I realized (after I lost the receipt and neglected to try it on) that it looked way better on the hanger in the store than on my body. I'm the classic closet pack rat when it comes to accessories and clothes. I save stuff that fit 5 years ago because it's my partial motivation for sticking to that fake diet I restart every day.

This is the result of such a habit ...


The age-old closet sectioning. The front-most section is filled with my "road runners" as my mom calls her most frequently used clothes. Then behind that, I keep the fat clothes, the ones for the bloated days and diet disaster days. Further back I keep a collection of clothes I could wear if only those last 15-20 pounds would just fall off already. It's like I'd have a whole new wardrobe just waiting for me. Lastly and sadly, I have a collection of skinny clothes. These are the ones that I bought in a mega sale or had for many years, back when I was my own mini-me. This collection of threads holds a sentimental , self-conscious value. If I throw them out, that means I'm admitting to being a chunky failure, a damned dieter, a lost soul of fashion's Atlantis. They are a spark of hope that someday I'll be the ideal me, so in my closet they must remain. The end.

And there you have it. The shopping cycle of many, many, many women. And don't think you can ever change it ... that is, unless you (meaning our romantic other halves) plan to rev up the romance to maximum overdrive! That would take our minds off shopping.

Meh ... didn't think so! Dust off your credit cards, it's the holiday season. Woot!

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