Monday, October 31, 2011

Don't hate, illustrate

Here's your Halloween present! It's #5 in my player-hater series that I call "P-H Balance." The name signifies the struggle to find a balance between love and hate, which is probably the most common battle in life. You can see some of the others down below on my blog wall. It's a silly pet project I started a few weeks ago when I was looking for a way to harmlessly and humorously express my feelings on the issue of evil female friends. I've had more than my share.





Women tend to hate on each other a whole lot. I can't stand that but it's reality. I learned that lesson the hard way. (That's what she said.) All it takes is one disagreement or misunderstanding, and "bitches be hatin'." Women can hold a grudge for generations over one stupid, minuscule argument that may not even classify as a true argument. Opinions vary. Oh wait ... to some people, that's an argument ... having a different opinion. (Not that I would know how this feels from experience or anything.) Pshhh! Please. Everyone hates. That's a fact of life.

I hate the person in front of me on the road who drives below the speed limit. I think I cursed every letter on this sign and every tree branch I saw sticking out from the back.

I hated this fortune cookie fortune for insulting me by implying that I need to improve myself. Eff you, fortune cookie! You don't even know me! ((rolls eyes))


I couldn't help but hate this granola bar because even though it tasted good, it made a massive amount of crumbs! And that's annoying when you're somewhat OCD.


So, you see? Everyone hates in one way or another. It's a thing that humans do. And I prefer to take it out on inanimate objects, but as the saying goes - "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Nobody can display hate better than a chick. That's what life has taught me.

It's also taught me to shake them haters off and move ahead. So thanks for reading, and hope you had a pleasant Hallow's Eve night! 


Don't forget to share this post on Twitter and Facebook to spread some Halloween hate philosophy!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy WHOREable Halloweiner

I remember once upon a time when it was Halloween, costumes were ghosts and ghouls and pumpkins and Frankensteins and cartoon characters and scarecrows and witches ... Now it's more like Naughty Schoolgirl Ashley. OoOOooOooOOooOOoO! So scary.
I think it's safe to say that Halloween has turned into porn. It's actually kind of entertaining. If I had the bod for this, I might have been tempted to flaunt a little sum'sum' too. But thanks to teen pregnancy and a chocolate addiction, I haven't been able to rock the naughty schoolgirl look, well ... since I was a schoolgirl. I'm not bein' a hater. I'm just pointing out that the Naughty School Girl is at the top of eveyone's list, even when it's not Halloween. Like Anthony Weiner, the Peter Tweeter, for instance. Even HE inspired a Halloween costume because of the "hacker" he blamed for stealing his ID and (doing him a favor by) tweeting dirty pics of his Halloweiner to young naughty girls. OOooOoooooOOOooo. So scary.

I couldn't decide what I wanted to be this year. It was a tie between Anthony Weiner head, the Naughty Schoolgirl, the hot French Maid, the sexy Pirate chick, Policewoman with leather boots, fishnet stockings and mini skirt or Buffy the sexy dead Cheerleader. It was a tough choice, and I could NOT make up my mind. Instead of ME choosing a costume, a COSTUME chose me!
Hopefully I can get a better costume next year. This one was sort of last minute and definitely not one of the popular ones. Best costume was in Karate Kid when he dressed up as a shower and hid behind the curtain while he scoped out the joint for his woman. That was classic.

My friend Roxanne and I were bored on Halloween night 1989, and we decided to make up some costumes and go trick-or-treating. We were 13 so we still felt like we were kid-enough to get candy. I put on a huge Glad trash bag and cut some holes for my arms and head, then embellished with some dark eye shadow smeared all over my face. Roxanne just painted her face like a mime, teased out her afro and wore regular clothes. So garbage girl and afro mime hit the streets with freezer bags to hold the loot.

The first house we went to, an old man opened the door and took one look at us and said "ain't y'all too old to be beggin' fer candy! What'er you supposed to be anyway! Get outa here." (SLAMS DOOR.) We knocked on a few other doors, no answer. Of all the doorbells we rang, we got a handful of candy from one lady who seemed fed up of answering her door and gave us what she had left so she could shut off her porch light after we left.


What ever you do for Halloween, be safe and don't talk to strangers ... unless they give you candy!

Peace out!


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Autism vs. Neesha: The Incredible Hulk rises again

I think Friday night ranks as one of the top 10 worst nights of my life. It even beats the day my skirt fell down after an aggressive pat down  I received at the airport in Trinidad. I flashed half of Piarco International Airport with my most private ASSet.

Friday was yet another autism vs. Neesha battle, and it stained a beautiful day like grape juice on a white T-shirt. My poor sweet child. He didn't ask to be this way. I love him. Sooo very, very much. I tear up as I write this. My handsome 13-year-old young man. He has a smile that could out outshine the sun and a laugh that's more contagious than chicken pox.

His Friday night episode happened just before midnight. I guess I semi-blame myself because I should have put him to bed at his normal time instead of trying to be "cool mommy" and let him stay up late to celebrate the glorious weekend and no school. *sigh*


This meltdown gave a new meaning to the phrase "hole in the wall," which normally describes a trashy venue. Now it literally means "hole in the wall" of his bedroom as he flailed his legs and kicked a heel-sized hole in the wall while simultaneously doing some supersonic screaming that threatened to pop my eardrums. It all started after I said these horrifying words - "Hey pumpkin, time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed." I won't give you all the gory details, but the whole thing lasted about an hour-and-a-half. This time, I was saved by his dad coming and taking him for a drive.

When I was a kiddo, I was a mega fan of The Incredible Hulk series. I was fascinated at how one little thing triggered this nice man's transformation into a destructive monster! If you're familiar with this show, then understand that this is how it happens with my kiddo. ONE simple thing will piss him off, and sometimes you don't even know what that thing was! And then it's a path of destruction until the Hulk's rage eases off slowly and he finds himself sitting in silence, remorseful about what just occurred and sorrowful that he cannot control it.

I think the terrifying fiasco even scared Optimus Prime, who also resides in his room. Optimus looked a bit shaken. But I assured him everything would be OK as soon as the Hulk's tantrum blew over.

While he's having a meltdown, he's not himself, just a monstrous replica of his true self. His skin and limbs feel like steel because he tenses up so much and gets so powerful. A thousand tears later (for both of us) he winds down and sits there mumbling, usually about what just happened. Eventually, I get my sweet, loving kiddo back.

He's now getting some help from a professional behavior analyst, and we're trying out new strategies in dealing with him that will hopefully help him feel better and have a more structured existence.

In the meantime, I heavily rely on prayer, good friends, kind words, a loving husband and chocolate Frosties from Wendy's to help me hold on to my sanity!

Thanks for reading!

And don't forget to share this post by clicking the links up top to post on Twitter and Facebook. I appreciate you helping me expand my readership. Hope you had a relaxing and pleasant weekend!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm giving away MONEY!

Really. I am. In the form of a $25 dollar gift card. It's as easy as 1-2-FREE! The rules are quite simple. Just go and 'like' my business page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/TheSweetTalkercom/110993955630284), then get other people to like the page! Each person you get to like my page needs to write on my wall saying that YOU sent them. That way YOU get credit for the 'like' and whoever gets the most people to 'like' my page by Nov. 15 wins a $25 gift card!

It's an easy breezy chance to win money with not much effort. Still not convinced? Here are 25 reasons why you should hustle me some 'likes' for my page and try to win that $25 gift card:

1. You can buy 25 items at the dollar store (plus tax). And dollar stores have cool stuff nowadays. Look!
I bought Hawaiian lei 3-packs and about $25 worth made
me some pretty unique curtains for my bedroom! 

2. The contest is frickin' EASY!

3. By participating, you're actually practicing for my future contests that will be awesomeR.

4. I will blow kisses in your general direction forever.

5. You have nothing to lose (unless it's against your religion to get people to like fb pages).


6. I 'm good at promoting joy and laughter so I'd say it's a worthy cause.

7. You probably spend a lot of time on Facebook anyway, so the contest is right in your face.

8. It's almost Thanksgiving, and $25 could help fund some of your feast.


9. We're nearing the holiday season, and $25 can buy at least one gift, if not two.


10. Have you noticed gas prices? I'm sure 25 bucks could help fill your tank!

11. A $25 gift card could fund your lunch for a week.

12. Contests are fun.

13. Whether you win or not, all the people you refer will worship you because I'll keep them entertained and they'll be happy the clicked that 'like' button.

14. You're doing a noble deed by helping me expand my readership and possibly gain new clients.

15. There might just be a runner up prize :)

16. It would make me super happy.


17. You'll have my undying gratitude.

18. Santa might take you off the naughty list for taking the time to do something nice.

19. I'll send you an e-hug.

20. Because Nike said to Just Do It.

21. You won't regret it.

22. What goes around comes around, meaning help me and welcome some good karma your way.

23. You would rise to a new level of coolness.

24. It's the right thing to do.

25. Because I'm saying please ... PLEASE.


Also, don't forget to share me by clicking on the Twitter and Facebook links above. Thanks for your attention span!

Game over ... wait, no it's not

I have a FEW hobbies like writing, reading, blogging, watching TV, making arts and crafts, cooking, sleeping, eating, texting, Facebooking, Tweeting, reading other people's blogs, designing funny posters and comics, cleaning house, listening to music, shopping, singing in the car, hangin' with my spawn, playing Wii Tennis, people watching, praying, watching random YouTube videos, surfing the Web, watching soccer, talking, making up nicknames for people I don't like in my mind, yawning, scribbling in my thoughts notebook with my purple pen, stargazing (without a telescope), watching movies and playing games on Facebook.

Speaking of games on Facebook!

Scrabble is my favorite! And I love it so much that I get sad when a game ends, kind of like that amazing book you read now and then (like the Harry Potter series!), and you fall in love with all the characters and words and it becomes real, and you don't want it to end! SO! I found a way for it not to end ... my Scrabble game, that is.


Yes. You heard me. I shall present to you one of my favorite Scrabble game results and with it, I will use all the words from the board to make a story off the top of my head. As if writing stories night and day is not enough word action for me, I need MORE. The ABCs are my life, if you haven't noticed already. I live by the sword and die by the sword - I say that because sword is 'words' with the s on the opposite side so to me, it totally fits what I'm trying to express. Right ... on to the Scrabble board story-making endeavor. This is way harder than it looks. (That's what she said.) It will require skill, knowledge, creativity and time! Let's see what I can come up with.


The words: wo, zoeae, go, inkier, jota, viva, it, ed, qis, post, file, tardy, sex, hi, en, lip, find, er, bam, do, bendays, wolver, oe, wait, lot, trooper, God, jersey, vouch, argent, ki, if, site, lax, ai, en, damp, if, headed, in, roc, ab, me.

"Wo!" said Dexter at the oncoming traffic as he headed hurriedly across the street. If he was tardy to his jota dance class, his girlfriend would have to wait, and he would get no sex later and find himself in the dog house. Her name was Nickie but he nicknamed her "Ki," short for her name and after the Sumerian goddess because she was indeed his goddess. He didn't want to go because it was no fun getting his jersey all damp with sweat as he swayed to the music. But thank God he made it through like a trooper because he wanted to impress Ki so she would post a nice stat about him later on Facebook.

"Viva la novia!" he yelled as he maneuvered her across the dance floor in a state of euphoria. He kissed her on her top lip, and she became infuriated! "Er! How dare you exhibit such lax behavior toward me, Dexter! You know I hate PDA! If you don't act right, how can I vouch for you!"

She made a scene as she walked out and slammed the door with a "bam!" Dexter felt like the roc in the room, and just like the mythical giant bird, he was suddenly standing out and feeling humiliated as everyone stared at him like they'd never seen the likes of him before. This dance floor was the very site where he'd met Ki, and now he felt sad.

Dexter was a marine biologist but also highly educated in zoology. He was obsessively studying the reproduction cycle of the zoeae. He missed Ki a lot and decided to call her to say hi and impress her with his knowledge. He pulled out a file and scribbled some factoids in his notebook. The pages got inkier with his constant jotting, and his pages were covered in dots like bendays as he nervously scribbled and pondered what he was going to say to Ki. "Oe! I'm finally ready to woo my woman with words," he said as he reached for the phone. Like a wolver about to capture his prey, he gritted his argent teeth and dialed eagerly.

"Ki! I miss you," said Dexter. "I can't stop scribbling the letter en all over my notebook."

"En? Umm, OK." said Ki.

"En is for Nickie and novia! And you are my novia. I keep scribbling that letter all over my notebook because I miss you!"

"I don't care, Dexter! I'm mad at you!" said Ki.

"You will be angry with me no more, my goddess! Because I shall dazzle you with my knowledge! Did you know that the ai is a three-toed sloth that inhabits the forests of southern Venezuela, the Guianas and northern Brazil, having a diet apparently restricted to the leaves of the trumpet-tree, and sounding a high-pitched cry when disturbed?"

"WTF!?" yelled Ki.

"AND! Did you know that qis is a Chinese word for vital energy that is believed to circulate around the body in currents!?"

"Dexter, wtf are you talking about! Are you drinking again?"

"Oh and I bet you didn't know that ab is the 11th month in the Jewish calendar!"

"Dexter! This is not the way to apologize! I'm hanging up now!"

Click.

"I'm sorry, Ki ..." said Dexter into the disconnected line. He logged on to Facebook and started playing Scrabble. He forgot all about Nickie after he secured a big-time victory with a 7-letter Bingo and a smile.  


The end.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Sleepblogging - it's a thing

I am totally asleep write right now. I'm sleepblogging. The past couple nights I have been an insomniac. So I'm not responsible for any inappropriate content that may be written tonight. My subconscious mind is fully responsible for this post.

No matter how tired I get lately, I just cannot go to sleep at a decent hour. There are 959,347,502,439 things on my mind at once but five things in particular. One thing I've learned from my bouts of sleeplessness is that those random thoughts that keep you awake at night are not always bad.

I have blog thoughts, love thoughts, kids thoughts, food thoughts, work thoughts, www.theSweetTalker.com thoughts, and other thoughts I dare not mention. Have you ever cut your head open to unclog your mind plumbing? I did! I decided to cut my head open and see if I could release some of my thoughts so my mind could lose some weight and have a better chance of drifting off to sleep.
Ahhhh. That's much better. Now how the hell am I supposed to sew my head back. I guess I shoulda thought of that beforehand. Oh well, I guess it's not so bad to leave it open. After all, open minds are a wonderful attribute.

And before I call it a night (or morning), I'll let you in on what the whole point of this post was - I made a couple decisions about things I'd love to do with this blog. It all has to do with what's important to me. I love people, and I love to profile awesome, average joes who have done noteworthy things. So on the 1st of every month, I will post an interview of someone I met who has done something outrageously interesting like authors, actors, artists, etc., etc.

I will also be doing a monthly or bi-monthly readership contest and prize giveaway, the first of which will be a $25 gift card of some sort. I will give you the full fix when I sew my head back together and can think again.

Until next time! Cheers!

Don't forget to share me by clicking the above links to fb and Twitter! Thank's for reading. :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

I scored TEN times on a Monday

I'm going to demonstrate to you why Mondays don't suck (all the time). I had one hell of a day, and I don't mean that in a bad way for a change. I kept expecting something really sucky to happen because it's Monday, and the societal tradition is that Mondays totally suck it. And it totally DIDN'T today. In fact, I had a serious case of the giggles all day long and probably drove my co-workers nuts.

I was so excited that I made you a picture book of my day! So peep on, peepers!



This is what I had for breakfast. It's chocolate. A great value. Sugar free, but the fine print next to that said "not a low calorie food." Meh ... you can't have it all. Two outa three ain't bad, or at least that's what I've always heard. Score!


This is my cubicle mate for the month of October. And just because he's my cube mate doesn't mean we actually mate. He's way too soft for me. (That's what she said.) I have a thang for Halloween decor. I know it's like this evil, unholy day, but I don't give a ish about all that. I just like the cool-themed candy and the funny decorations. Oh, and I made this my profile pic on Facebook. Score!


I was in a cooking mood last night, so around 7 p.m., I decided to bust out with this little doozie. It's red beans, white rice and stewed chicken - Trinidadian style (because I'm a Trini, that's why). I had the yummy leftovers for lunch today. I hate using the icky public microwave at work almost as much as I hate using public restrooms, so I hopped over to mom's crib, which is 15 minutes away. Another SCORE for good, self-made food heated up in a maternal microwave.


OK. This Honeynut Cheerios box was sitting on the kitchen table staring at me as I happily devoured my stupendous food. I try to keep my mind out of the gutter, but things like this make it really, really hard difficult for me. Either I'm just twisted or someone at Cheerios is twisted or both. Or maybe they're oblivious to sexual innuendos and I'm the trashy one ... In any case, when I see "sticky situation" then "touch," "nutty," and "yummy," it corrupts my innocent mind. But I sure did lmao when I saw it. So SCORE another one for laughter and filth.



I got back from lunch geared up to get some mega work done, and I notice this outside our work window. How can you not laugh your ass off if you see this outside your window? So naturally, I took a phone pic just for you! :) Score another one for laughter and a silly deer.


Then I had to walk to another building to drop something off, and I get in the elevator. This is the ceiling of the elevator. Don't panic! It's not REAL honeycombs; no bees attacked me. It's just a design. Snapshot and score one for random cool thing!


Right ... so I get back to my work area, and guess what! I see a skunk crawling in the lawn outside our window. So of course, I had to drop everything and take a pic. Score one for ... for ... ummm ... a random skunk in the yard that made me go "WTF! I gotta get a pic of that thing."


Then I got home after a long, lovely day. I had no appetite so I had some healthy Lipton decaff green tea in my brand new, cool mug I got as a gift a few months ago. The built-in spoon just rocks my world. Oh yea! I also decided to take a walk on the wild side of life and drink TEA in a cup that says COFFEE. Wew!! That was a rush. Go, me! Score one for a no-calorie dinner! (Or so I thought!)


My beautiful, sweet sister (who I call 'mop head' because she has gorgeous'er hair than me) stopped by and surprised us with McDonald's. We heart McD's, as in ... its artery-clogging food is so damn good that we don't mind risking our lives to eat it. Score one for no-calorie dinner being thwarted by sisterly love! But that's not the end of my glorious Monday!


Score one for husband-substitute!

So there you have it. I just proved that Mondays really aren't so bad. When was the last time you scored TEN times on a Monday. Yes, go back and count. TEN! I'm a lucky lady.

Now it's time to let Monday go and rest. Scoring ten times in one day is mighty tiring (yawwwn).

If you liked this post, please share me by clicking on the Facebook and/or Twitter buttons up top! I'm asking my current readers to help me expand my readership so more people can participate in my madness and the upcoming contests and fun stuff I have planned.

Thanks for letting me borrow your eyeballs. :)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Autism vs. Neesha: Saved by a Butterfinger

My son has been in rare form these days. I gotta give the kid his due credit, though. He hasn't thrown any stuffed dolphins at my head lately and has been a pleasant, giggly sidekick for exactly one week today. Do you have any idea what one tantrum-free week is like in my world? Imagine this ... you leave work on pay day. You get in your car, and there's another paycheck waiting for you. Ohhh yea. It's that good.

                  <== Nabeel at Kroger today.

                                                                                                              
We had a close call today at the grocery store. He's been doing this hyperventilating, rocking back-and-forth number and has been getting more anxiety attacks in busy places. Today at Kroger, I had approximately 20 minutes to perform, what I call, a grab-n-go grocery run. He was quiet for the most part. It was the body flailing, heavy breathing and bug-eyed faces he kept making at people that was unsettling.

I had to go into my fake-bubbly mommy voice mode that gives me a headache. Not that I'm a grump or anything, but I usually talk to him in a normal mom-talking-to-13-year-old tone. I kept asking him to help me find stuff (that I really didn't need help finding) to keep him focused. And I thought he was gonna lose it at the checkout counter until I saw his eyes twinkle at a Butterfinger. Aha!

So I told him in my fake-bubbly mom voice that if he stood still until we got to the car, he'd have himself a Butterfinger fix. He contained his flailing well enough and got his reward. That's been my saving grace during this rough patch -- the reward system. It's not always FOOD (although, for me, that would be the best kind).

He loves riding elevators and escalators. Sometimes the treat is to go to the mall and ride his favorite escalator! Dillard's, which has three levels. Thrilling, I know. There's also a random office building I know of that has a five-story elevator made of glass. So I take him there just to go for a reward ride. Hey, whatever works, right.





So in peace ends the glorious weekend. Thank you, thank you, thank you, lord! :) And thank you for reading, reader! Until next time ...



There's a new blog in town

I guess by now you've noticed I started a whole new blog. If you're a brand new reader, then welcome to my brain. You can peep my old blog at www.writeawaywritenow.blogspot.com. What can I say ... I needed a fresh start. When I created that blog back in 2008 (or was it 2007?), it was a random act of boredom with no real direction. I made up the name out of  clich├ęd thin air, and I never really liked it much.

So nearly four years later, the blog was begging for retirement because I've come a long way since its beginning. Back then, I was about 50 percent fem bot. A struggling student editor, single mother, prospective business woman. I was in a totally different time and place. No really, I was. I've moved, graduated, dumped a big loser, started a business. I'm pretty sure I don't weigh the same as I did back then, but I won't confess in what direction. I've since gotten me a super hot winner who duct taped my broken heart and made me forget all about my past epic relationship fails, and even my 12-year Maxwell crush, which says a lot! (Maxwell's a singer, Google him.) 
For those unfamiliar with the ring of my new name, it's pronounced NO-vella-rella, basically just how it looks. Why the name? Three things inspired it: I wrote a novella, which I'm probably going to turn into an e-book soon. I have a short attention span, hence a novella is a mini-novel and ideal for people who don't have the attention span to write or read a full-length novel. (Fun fact: a novella is book that is usually between 12,000-40,000 words, while a novel is 40,000 and up.) And thirdly, the name just popped in my mind one night during one of my recent bouts of insomnia when the sheep stopped jumping over the fence and The Golden Girls marathon was over.
I can't go to sleep without them.
Take that as you may ...

I have some new and fun ideas for my readers to love me, laugh with me and probably win stuff. :) I've conjured up some pretty cool readership contests, and I plan to pimp them out on facebook and Twitter. So if you want a chance to win, you should probably have the following information.


You can follow me on Twitter: @Neesha101 and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/TheSweetTalkercom/110993955630284


Don't be a stranger. Stop by, and feed my fish! And help me spread the word about ME by clicking on those sharing options above to post me on Twitter or Fb. Thank for reading!