I feel very unique. Like the chosen one. Like I'm 1 in a million, because I probably am, in regards to the topic of this post. I bet I am only one of a few people, animals or insects – drunk or sober – who can sincerely say the following phrase:
“I slipped and semi-fell at Twin Peaks during the busy lunch hour, because my cute, red pumps turned into roller skates.”
|In case you're wondering, that isn't me in the picture. And this is not my art (The site is ChristArt.com), but I couldn't resist because the chick has on red pumps. And the image's caption is so true!|
For those who don’t know of said eatery, it’s basically like a Hooters, only way more risqué, and it looks like they only hire waitresses between the ages of 18-18 1/2. And no, there was no banana peel on the floor, just the floor … the shiny, slippery, polished floor that didn't get along with my adorable red pumps, although I walked in the place just fine, so wtf.
Die of humiliation.
Quit your job and move to another city.
Click the heels of your red pumps together and say, "There's no place like home."
Change your identity and get a new face.
Pretend you're injured just to be a drama queen, and get free coupons because they fear a lawsuit.
Say, "Psshh! I meant to do that. What? You thought I really fell?"
Point at some random guy, and accuse him of pushing you.
Look around to count how many people were chuckling at your misfortune, and go punch them all in the face.
Start a food fight.
Try to close your eyes and teleport yourself to another planet.
Well, I did none of the above, tyvm. Embarrassment doesn’t register in my brain anymore, since I built up an immunity due to lifelong over exposure. The bigger irony is that I spoke of a fall-n-flash incident earlier today (which will be Awkward Moment #11), and lo and behold, I effin jinxed myself! (smdh)
|It was ironic that shortly after I’d taken a phone pic of this ketchup bottle image, I nearly ended up in the same position.|
“At least you made someone in there smile who may have been having a bad day.” - My sweet, positive-thinking, trying-to-make-me-feel-better husband
“Oh my GOD! NO. That did NOT happen (covers face).” - Co-worker“Oh shit. Sorry. At least you didn’t break anything. That would be an awkward place to report an injury from lol.” - Friend1
“WTF. You sure you weren’t just trying to get a closer look at the waitresses, lol. I’ll have to remember that trick next time I go there. Good one!” - Friend2“(After hearing the whole story from my perspective) LMAO! That is pretty funny!!!! I was at work and just got back from the restroom and walked into the cafeteria with a long piece of TP hanging out the back of my pants. I was so embarrassed. Luckily, it wasn’t used. I don’t sit on public toilets and always throw the first couple sheets of TP away in case anyone touched it (yes, I’m a weird germaphobe like that).” - Friend3, sharing own awkward moment of the day
“Damn, did you hurt yourself? Or anyone else lol Damn woman, you're so accident prone. Remember the elevator door incident?” - Friend4“Oh lawd!!! Girl, I can’t imagine that! That's funny but not funny, but more funny. hehehe” - Friend5
There's always a bright side. Here are 5:
2. I will convince myself the gigglers were laughing with me not at me. The end.
3. There are worse things that could have happened today, like being annihilated by fire-breathing dragons, but didn't.
4. I didn't DIE.
5. I got a blog post out of it, and a reason to revive The Awkward Moments series that was such a big hit before.
Come back and visit me tomorrow for Awkward Moment #1, a revival of the blog series. Thanks for being here. :)