Monday, January 2, 2012

It's a way of life

If you saw my Facebook status earlier, then you already know about my condition. Its street name is go-to-the-store-for-one-thing-and-leave-with-20 syndrome. The proper name of this very serious condition is Shoppolococcus Maximus. You may have it and not even know it! If you suffer from these symptoms, you could very well be an SM carrier:

For me it's definitely #2. I'm working on that. I must! Because I have all those symptoms. I leave the store carrying all these bags, yet I feel like I just left the casino, stripped of the cash I took in hopes of leaving with that and some.

I stand at the checkout counter and twitch each time another item is scanned, wondering why I even came to the store in the first place.

When I try to pull out my debit card, suddenly I can't find it. It's like it tries to hide from me to help me stop wasting money, and I rummage through my purse frantically until I find it. Then I exhale and swipe.

Just before I swipe, I take one last glance at the gum selection, wanting to reach for that pack of Ice Breakers, but NO! I've already spent too much! I don't have 85 more cents to splurge!

I start to daydream about my credit card balances, electric bill, water bill, Verizon bill, car payment, rent! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. What have I done. (sigh)

I'm so deep in contemplation, I almost don't even realize the cashier is waiting on ME for the last step, to push the accept button on the keypad. I snap out of dreamland and complete the transaction so the next person in line can stop giving me dirty looks, because I don't want a sudden case of slap-a-ho to go with my shoppolococcus maximus.

I put all the goods in my car, then I sit behind the steering wheel gazing upon this flimsy piece of dead tree, wondering wtf I bought for that huge amount of damage. I fine tooth comb it and brainwash myself to believe that I needed every item on there.

I will use those foam stick-on letters someday, dammit. It was only $2, come on. Everyone should have a box of foam letter stickers. Oh and that hot pink, sparkly boa, I totally needed that. I'll use it to decorate my cubicle at work. And who couldn't benefit from a 50 Ways to a Better You For Dummies book? No one is perfect, right, so there's always room for improvement. The magnetic mini erasers? Well surely I'll need those for when I buy a dry erase board ... one day. They were so cute and obviously needed a home.

I can fix this. I just won't go out to eat for a while ... I'll pack my lunch for the next week or 10 to make up for the budget slip-up. See, no worries. I got this!

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